No more!

It happened so slowly, so insidiously and deceptively that by the time I had realised what was happening I was totally engulfed by it. Its dark, inky black, slimy tentacles coiled tightly around every element of my being, like a second skin, crawling deep into my very core.

Not always present, it’s sneaky like that – it sits with me a lets me be – that’s how it ensures I never really know ‘it’ is there.

And then BAM! at just the right moment it strikes! Its thousands of tiny razor sharp claws biting into me, its voice shrieking in the back of my mind “YOU CAN’T, THEY WON’T, YOU DON’T” over and over again shredding me into a state of trembling, quivering embarrassment

Its name – SHAME!

I have carried shame around with me for as long as I can remember, its presence felt over again and again in front of my peers, my friends, colleagues. Striking as I approached somebody I liked or admired; in the boardroom, the classroom, the dance floor, the bedroom slowly suffocating my very being turning me into a quivering, scared little child. It’s cost me friends, experiences, relationships and my marriage and if I let it continue it may very well cost me my life and this I will not and cannot allow. To shame I say “ENOUGH! NO MORE!”

I know it’s presence now – the subtle signs that it is coming alive, eager to trip me up and stop me from achieving my greatness. It starts as a slight thump of the heart, I then look down afraid to look others in the eye, judging my every move, thought, feeling, till I am frozen and juddery in my motion and speech

This awareness is the start of my healing. It’s still too entrenched to have shaken off fully – old habits die hard, a tiger cant change its stripes and all that – but awareness is the start of healing. At last I know that it is not me that is the fault, but simply a mortal enemy, an enemy that can and will be beaten

It’s going to be a journey, of that I am sure. Its going to take work and vigilance – The enemy is not going to let go so easily but of this I am certain: I am OK and I am worthy! I am the son of the almighty GOD, created in HIS image – perfectly imperfect and I am victorious in His might

if you experience shame or any of the symptoms I have described above be courageous and reach out, You are not alone and together this can be beaten




You are not your feelings!

glass-984457_1920 It’s been a while since I last posted – lots happening on my side but that’s for another day

This post is inspired by an interaction I had from one of my massage clients – YES :0) my other practice involves helping my fellow human beings live a rich and rewarding existence through the achievement of physical and emotional health via Sports and Well-being Massage

I have been treating symptoms which have been causing the individual pain on their lower leg and in my diagnosis I suspected that there is potential of early stages of Acute Compartment Syndrome – a not so nice physical injury which cannot be fixed with physical therapy. Knowing this, I recommended that my understandably anxious client see a doctor in order to

1st Prize – Rule this condition out

2nd Prize – Identify that this is the condition

and be able to take the necessary and effective steps to fix it

They went off and approached their medical aid to book in an appointment with a professional and received a negative response which in my clients words

“I kind of feel a little disheartened by them and wish I didn’t call them now as it doesn’t fill me with much confidence with how I was spoken to and made to feel about 5” 
Language – the words we use, and the context we use it in says so much about our state of being, and the final part of their words really struck a cord. Especially so as knowing this incredible person, the amazing accomplishments they have achieved and challenges they have overcome
Here are a few thoughts I shared with my client
1. There will be times where we find our selves in situations where we have little or no control. In my experience this is often an accident or catastrophic event which unfortunately happens but thankfully happens very, very seldom (if at all for those lucky ones ever)
2. There are time where we will find ourselves in a situation in which we feel we have little or no control. My clients story is example of this and thankfully these are frequently the type we face.
3. It’s ok to feel like this – we will never always have control of a situation. This does not mean that we are smaller or insignificant, it simply means that we were not expecting (or weren’t prepared) for the situation we faced.
How to move through the emotional moment and use it to build you up
1. Acknowledge when you are thinking or feeling these kind of thoughts – Its ok
2. Thank your ‘self’ for sharing that you are feeling this
3. Remind your ‘self’ that its ok to feel this
4. As your ‘self’ the following questions
– What is it about the situation/Interaction that is making me feel this way?
– What is it about this that is making me feel this way?
– What is it about this that is making me feel this way?
– What does this say about me?
– Is this really true?
– really?
– Never?
(each stage question is aimed at answering the previous questions answer. You may need to ask What is it about this… more than twice to really get to the root)
You will find as I have with myself and my clients that going through this process helps to calm the emotion and bring logic back to the forefront which is where we once again have control
How to maximise control in the moment as my client experienced
1. Be clear about what you want
2. Be clear about what you don’t want
3. Identify what you might need to say / do to get what you want
4. Identify what the barriers / objections may be
5. Decide on how you are going to handle each of the barriers/objections
6. Decide to ask clarifying questions (get facts rather than opinions from the person) example – in my clients case the representative they spoke to said that ‘based on what my client had described, that they did not feel this was Compartment Syndrome…’ My questions to this person would be “Thank you for your thoughts. Are you a medically trained Doctor”; “Are you medically trained or certified through a recognized association to make diagnosis like this over the phone” – if they are, then great go with what they are saying. But if not – clarify what they have said to you – summarizing information jogs cognitive awareness and then ask to speak to a supervisor. In most cases it is not the person who is being obtrusive, it is simply the system they have been ordered to follow
In summary
You are not what you feel! You are an amazing being who has been purposefully and wonderfully created
God Bless

Strength from within – Lloyd Hanslow

“The only limits are the ones we allow ourselves, to impose upon us.” Stephan Weber

An inpirational story of inner stength, overcoming a ‘perceived’ life changing affliction and the courage to choose life

 “BLINDNESS PT 1 2018 Lloyd Hanslow”